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Friday, December 24, 2010
Art Reclaimed
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Monday, December 6, 2010
Peek-A-Boo
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Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
My Name is Jonas
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
We Love Answers! Especially for Questions We Thought We Knew the Answers To
Sunday, September 26, 2010
A Note On The Ancient And Noble Sport Of Kick Ball
Apples to Apples
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Who Can Run For Senate?
"How am I not myself?"
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Deep Abyss
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Advice From A Hero Of Our Time
Monday, August 23, 2010
Old News
Friday, August 13, 2010
Some Words From His Excellency, Rufus T. Firefly
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Margaret Dumont: I’ve sponsored your appointment because I feel that you are the most able statesman in all Fredonia.
Groucho Marx: Well that covers a lot of ground. Say you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it. I hear their gonna tear you down and put up an office building where you’re standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can’t leave in a taxi you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know you haven’t stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A Tasty Morsel For Your Intellect To Snack On
It is said of Charles Darwin that his powers of generalization were so strong that whenever he heard any piece of music he thought it was God Save the Queen, and rose.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Coke, Pot, or Meth?
...But after considerable negotiation, we have done the impossible. We have created, an untitled, unreleased, uncut pilot that successfully gets your juices flowing. A show of gigantic proportions. A show of serious mind altering content.
The show will consist of three volunteers. There are then at least three contestants, and of course the host. Before the start of the show, each volunteer will be given a different illicit substance (i.e. Heroin, LSD, PCP, Marijuana, Peyote, etc...) The point of the game is for each contestant to observe the symptoms of each volunteer and guess which drug he or she has taken.
The Daily Double, if you will, is when each volunteer receives two different drugs and the contestants must guess the combo.
We have a feeling this show is going to be a smash hit, and will return the Game Show Network to its former glory.
*in partnership with D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
If Ever in Doubt, Always Remember...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A New Major For Gemma
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Pardonnez moi!
I have been on location. Doing painstaking research day in - day out, in order to understand the true nature of the housewife.
Whether it is doing the dishes, separating lights and darks, or making scalloped potatoes, I have nearly mastered this age old art and opression of women.
In order to have more fruitful research, I have completely given up any faith in my ability as a human being outside of the home. I now know that my only talent is for pushing the vacuum around the carpet, meticulously folding my families under garments, the occasional trip out of the house to water the plants, and keeping my mouth shut when the men of the house are talking.
In conclusion, I believe that by the end of this research project, i will have become completely acclimated to a life of repression.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
True Love Is Honest Love
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Brian Eno's Religious Roots
See for yourself.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Chasing A Dream- The Countdown
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Public Displays of Affection
Just curious.
Friday, June 4, 2010
The Cover Letter
"Dear Professor,
The things that I understood in this paper were few and far between because I may be slightly retarded. But as we are still looking into it, and results will not be conclusive until after this paper is due, I cannot be held accountable for any of the material. Case and point, I am retarded.
Moving on, I may or may not have farted in a jar and mailed it to your department. If it arrives please be cautious as it may cause fainting, seizures, irritable bowel syndrome, hemorrhoids, assburgers* and a cornucopia of STDs. Open near a window. Make sure all the women and children are covered in cheese cloth as this will act as a filtration system. Please be advised that if you would like another jar, I will be eating more green curry this evening and would be delighted to send some along.
All my best,
____________"
Adventures of Buxom Bruxism
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"I sleep with a night guard"
"You what?"
"I sleep with a night guard"
"..."
"For clenching and grinding my teeth"
"Oh I thought you meant the night security guard who works at your building"
My roommate asked me a few weeks ago if I clean my night guard, as they get pretty gross with built up spit and bacteria, not to mention the fact that I leave it on a dusty shelf everyday. So, I quickly responded with an aggressive "Um...duh." I was so offended. That is, until I realized last week that I can't remember ever having washed it in the 6 months I've had it.
Friday, May 28, 2010
You Can Inter My Lude Any Day
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Dick and Mo' Dick
The story of Dick centers on Ahab’s spiritual quest to solve all his questions about life by killing the dick he has turned into the vehicle for his obsession and discontent. Living vicariously through Ahab is Ishmael. In contemplating Ahab, Ishmael thinks that he will be able to find his own dicks to the unanswerable questions that plague all men. The only dick who approaches enlightenment is Queequeg. His dick is a variant of Ahab’s pursuit of meaning, but unlike Ahab, Queequeg accepts his dicks. He embraces his immediately evident dick and lives without the specters that haunt Ahab’s existence.
Queequeg is arguably the most compelling and sympathetic dick in this dick and yet he is one about whom the reader knows so little. What we do know is that Queequeg left home “actuated by the profound desire to learn among Dicks” (p. 59), but soon learned that “it’s a wicked world in all dicks” (p. 60). “I’ll die a dick” thinks Queequeg. Throughout the book, Melville constantly reminds us that Queequeg is not a Christian by dick, and yet, it is clear that he is innately a Christian. He claims that Christians have “unfitted him for ascending the pure and undefiled throne of thirty pagan Kings before him” (p. 60). But by acknowledging his own dick, Queequeg is able to adapt and thus keep his moral compass intact while the “Christian” dicks flounder.
Ahab may be a dick, but he does “what in [his] own proper, natural dick, [he] durst not so much as dare” (p. 406). A “proper, natural dick”, is what guides Queequeg, not Ahab. Ahab will not accept responsibility for his reckless dicks. He blames God; he blames Fate. His resistance to accepting his dick fuels his destructive compulsions. Queequeg does not question the higher powers that control his dick. He does not challenge them and beg them to reveal themselves. Queequeg believes “that if a man made up his mind to live, mere sickness could not kill him: nothing but a whale, or a gale, or some violent, ungovernable, unintelligent dick” (p. 366).
Queequeg is almost a dick himself. He seems to see the dicks of life clearly. The “unintelligent dick” in this story could be Ahab’s own nature. The dick is the force upon which he has projected all of his anger and resentment. Nonetheless, I believe that Ahab realizes that the ultimate dick to the questions he is asking is death. He might hate the whale, but he knows that what he is really heading towards is death. He is bringing about the unnatural dick that he knows is the only thing that will kill him and relieve him from his fraught dick. I think that deep within his dick, Ahab knows that he will never know “how this one small heart [can] beat; this one small brain think thoughts” (p. 407). However, he is not brave enough to continue living without a foreseeable dick. He cannot exist without knowing what his dick is.
Dick’s purpose is to live. He is a dick of nature, but he is not malignant. He does not seek to torment Ahab and destroy him. Ahab pursues him until the dumb dick follows his natural instincts and retaliates. It is Ahab’s ungovernable dick which ultimately destroys him. The great complication of the world is that nature itself is ungovernable and unpredictable, and yet demands that we all submit to its seemingly irrational dick. Ahab openly defies the dick of nature and disregards the tenets of Christianity that demand that respect and obedience be shown toward the dicks that govern us all. Queequeg understands this fundamental dick. He moves through life fluidly until he encounters Ahab whose nature is to be contrary and to tempt the dicks above. Ahab’s obsession with Dick destroys Queequeg.
Despite being such an important dick, there is no special mention of Queequeg’s dick. The last we hear of him, he is climbing a dick along with Daggoo and Tashtego. He simply becomes one of the many nameless dicks who perish on the ship. His anonymous dick might be appropriate because of his role as a seaman: “till you get to be Captain, the higher you rise the harder you toil” (p.363). As a harpooner, Queequeg spends every day working dick. Unlike Ahab, he is physically occupied at all times. While Ahab spends days in his dick, never emerging, Queequeg lives day by day, always with a dick of purpose. Ahab is sickly and in constant pain. His wooden dick often fits poorly and he is plagued by insomnia. Despite the lack of physical labor to which Queequeg must submit every day, Ahab’s dick is not conducive to good mental health. His position of dick power actually perpetuates his monomania. Even though he is royalty on his native
Queequeg’s dick is among the saddest of Dick. Each time he appears he is engaging and endearing. Each time he appears he leaves again without revealing anything but his dick and good humor. Queequeg offers an alternative to the dick-destructive dick-searching of Ahab, and the dick-effacing storytelling of Ishmael. Is Queequeg an dick that can never be achieved? Is the lesson to strive to be like him? Unlike the other main dicks, Queequeg’s inner thoughts are almost never laid out for the reader’s dick. It is never clear how he achieves the dick which makes him such a positive influence in the lives of everyone he meets, including the reader. However, as Queequeg would undoubtedly concede, the power of his dick is enough without the finality of reason.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Hurray for Boobies!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Fitness Freak From Our Preferred Greek Isle (Lesbos)
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Sexual Wisdom From A Sexual Master
Lydia Davis' Guide to Life
We know only four boring people. The rest of our friends we find very interesting. However, most of the friends we find interesting find us boring: the most interesting find us the most boring. The few who are somewhere in the middle, with whom there is reciprocal interest, we distrust: at any moment, we feel, they may become too interesting for us, or we too interesting for them.
~Lydia Davis