"Dear Professor,
The things that I understood in this paper were few and far between because I may be slightly retarded. But as we are still looking into it, and results will not be conclusive until after this paper is due, I cannot be held accountable for any of the material. Case and point, I am retarded.
Moving on, I may or may not have farted in a jar and mailed it to your department. If it arrives please be cautious as it may cause fainting, seizures, irritable bowel syndrome, hemorrhoids, assburgers* and a cornucopia of STDs. Open near a window. Make sure all the women and children are covered in cheese cloth as this will act as a filtration system. Please be advised that if you would like another jar, I will be eating more green curry this evening and would be delighted to send some along.
All my best,
____________"
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